Monday, April 21, 2014

Crassssshhhhhhh.

Today was my first real crash on my mountain bike! I've crashed before when I used to do some downhilling with Vince, but I always had full pads on and rarely actually felt anything. Since I am stuck on my couch at the moment with my leg unable to move itself, I'm going to tell you all about it over a million paragraphs, though it was like a three second crash.

Vince and I have planned a shiftaroo type of ride where I drive him to the top of Snowbowl with Roxi, drive back to the bottom and leave the truck for him to pick up and take Roxi home, then I ride from the bottom of Snowbowl to home. The first part went well and I parked the truck and started riding the AZ Trail. I didn't get any warmup in because the place I originally wanted to park that would have given me a warmup was not in an ideal spot for Vince because it would have made him late to work. So I started riding mostly at a decline until I get to the trail I was looking for, which started ascending right away. I had never ridden this part of the trail on Rocky Moto, but right away there were some technical spots. I wasn't able to clear some of them, especially since my legs weren't really ready to do the riding I was doing, so I ended up getting off my bike to walk a section. In my head I thought, 'Walking fucking sucks! I need to at least try riding this stuff. What's the worst that can happen, I fall? So what!' When I got back on my bike I just started crushing it. I was pedaling hard, clearing some stuff I wasn't sure I was going to clear, and then one mile later BOOM. I crash.

It was a pretty steep uphill with the trail leaning off to the right. As soon as I hit the big rock I was trying to clear, I felt myself leaning too far to the right, so I tried to unclip my shoes so that I could place my foot on the ground to balance myself. Unfortunately, my foot was stuck between my bike and a rock and I couldn't get it off! My knee and elbow quickly slammed into a pile of big rocks with my left leg getting caught up in the bike. I sat on the ground for a few seconds doing this:
(and no, you don't need to watch the whole video, it's just the first 15 seconds on repeat)

I stood up to try and shake it off but my right leg wouldn't work! Immediately upon impact under my right knee I felt something shoot up my quad to my hip and down my calf to my toes and knew I hit a nerve or something. I figured I'd walk for a minute to try and see how I felt and quickly realized I wasn't going to be able to finish my ride. I called Vince to make sure he hadn't already left with the truck yet, and luckily he hadn't.

I didn't want to make him late for work so I decided to hop back on my bike and just ride through the pain, and it felt better! I was able to get down the difficult parts of the trail with just a little pain in my leg. After a couple minutes I stopped for a second thinking I might just call Vince to tell him I'd finish my ride and that maybe my pain before was just because I was scared, but as soon as my foot touched the ground it hurt so bad. Last year Vince hurt his leg (he didn't work for many weeks!) and I think it was so bad because he kept riding after he hurt it, thinking it wasn't terrible. I wanted to avoid that, so I sadly headed back to the truck.

As soon as I got to the truck and off my bike, the pain quickly set in and spread. Instead of just being localized around where I hit it and the area in my quad and calf I originally felt the pain, I felt it spread to my groin, hips and butt, down to my toes and around my ankle, and all around my kneecap and the back of my knee. So painful! Vince drove us home and I kept trying to lift my leg to readjust it and it hurt too much to even move it.

So now I am at home hoping that rest will let it heal quickly. It's not like I have an open wound or a torn muscle, so I have no idea how to let it properly heal other than resting it. I'm looking forward to a lot of riding this year, so I'm wanting to let it fully heal before I get crazy again. And you can bet that the next time I ride that new trail, I'm wearing kneepads!
My right knee (left in the picture) is clearly swelling some in various places, and I'd only been home about 5 minutes! Also, knees are so gross, I hate them.

And to end this post, here are some recent pictures: 
And one from the other day when Vince and I rode:

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Lovely Day

Today has been one of those perfect spring days, and it's only halfway over! This is my only day off this week with a 35 hour work weekend staring me in the eye, and the weather decided to provide some happiness. I picked up my DSLR for the first time in a long while and snapped some various lovelies around my backyard as I did some yard work. I'm about to go for a run, take a nap/rest time on the couch, then go mountain bike with some sweet ladies!
 Some of my pretty ceramic pots broke over winter!

A bee!
Our screen door doesn't close because the door is too small for the frame, so we use a paintbrush to keep it closed!

Monday, April 7, 2014

I haven't learned a thing!

At the end of every semester in college, I have felt like I didn't learn anything. Like I was so crazy busy during the semester just trying to get an A that everything left my brain after taking the test. Now that I am further into college I still feel that way at the end of every semester, but there is the realization that I did learn something in previous semesters.

This afternoon I was reading a chapter in a textbook and in just one simple paragraph, it went over a months worth of learning in Anatomy & Physiology I. In eight short sentence it summarized all the hard work I put into a topic that I remember being so extremely difficult and studying so hard for it only to feel like I still didn't understand it. But as I read the paragraph I realized I knew everything I was reading and could even expand on it by a whole lot. I actually remembered something! It seems silly that something so small could give me such encouragement to keep trudging on towards the end of this semester, but it really does. I often feel like I'm lucky getting the grades I receive and that it's just a fluke, but this helps me realize that the hard work I'm putting in now really does help me in the future, which will include more than just good grades - it'll be real live humans! That's not a scary thought at all.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Brain fart: my life is actually busy.

So apparently towards the end of Spring Break I had a brain fart and wrote this post about how I have so much free time and am bored. Turns out it was just during spring break, despite working almost 60 hours that week, and my life in reality is actually crazy busy.

A couple of days after I wrote the post, Vince read it, laughed, and said, 'Ha, that's funny. I don't think you really have free time.' So then it made me wonder if I was just hiding it from him? Making it seem like I have more work then I really have? Over-exaggerating things so he'd feel bad for me?

After a quick peek at my handy-dandy planner, I realized I was waaaaaaaay underestimating how much I do every week. Turns out it felt like I was always watching TV or was on the computer when I was home because I was rarely home! Just looking back through my planner makes me question my sanity and I wonder how I'm still standing at the end of the week because most weeks I had some place I needed to be on 6 or 7 days. I am not writing this for a 'good job' or 'you are awesome' because there are SO many people who do far more and far harder things than I, but maybe just a reminder to myself that I'm not a total slacker and that I am actually doing things.

This week came upon me like a shit storm and I've been stressing out a little about it since I just have so much going on, and am nursing either a cold or really bad allergies. This morning while driving to babysit I thought, 'Hmm, I think I feel this way at the beginning of every week, and by mid-week I just don't care and accept that I have things to do.' And lo and behold, this morning I really didn't care about everything going on and was like, 'Whatever! I'm doing this.'

An example of my week that we're in the midst of, which honestly reflects most weeks of my life:
Sunday: work 7 hours at Taylor House (after working a 24 hours shift the day before), apply for a fourth job because life isn't crazy enough but I want the experience, write a scholarship essay, hangout with my family

Monday: Do an online collaborate session for class, clean the house (while still avoiding laundry that hasn't been done in way too many weeks), go grocery shopping, do some food prep for the week, do some reading for class, revise essay

Tuesday: do some reading, attend open lab for a couple hours, go to class for three hours, go to the nursing home to get patient information, eat dinner, read for a pharmacology quiz, take said quiz, do a pharmacology case study, type up patient information and look up all their drugs (thankfully only 8), read some more, wash scrubs, socks, underwear, and sports bra in the sink because none are clean, make dinner and prep meals for the next day, finish hand sewing my nurse purse

Wednesday: wake up at 6:30 for clinicals, take temperature to make sure I'm not contagious if I am sick, sadly accept that I am not contagious, go to cliniclas/simlab for 6 hours, head straight to lab for 3 hours, feel like I'm dying since I wasn't able to eat all day and realize my lunch has been out of the fridge for 6 hours and is now inedible (we did have a lunch break at 10:30 but after my first bite I didn't feel well so didn't eat my zoodles and amazing meatballs), head straight to babysitting for a couple hours and get there by riding my bike 2 miles in the sleet/snow/rain/WINDDDD-so-strong-I-almost-fell-off-my-bike without a hat/helmet/gloves/jacket, only wearing my Patagonia sweater because I forgot everything at home, eat emergency BLT's as soon as I get home because STARVING, then make something more substantial so I have leftovers for the next day

Thursday: wake up at 6 and drive an hour to Sedona to babysit for 10 hours, drive home, go to the store for the best grain free pizza crust because dinner is not being made tonight, also make emergency brownies and eat half the batter raw, from my fingers, with my pants unbuttoned

Friday: take a test for pathology, write a clinical journal, fill out patient information for SimChart, read, babysit for 6 hours, babysit for another 4 hours

Saturday: read, do breathing patterns case study, work for 4 hours (seems like such a short shift!), and prepare to start a whole other week

Within all of these places I have to be, I also cook 99% of the food we eat (with Vince's help! he's not a total dud of a husband) that is almost always real, whole foods that is mostly paleo, read books for leisure, work out, do yoga, paint my nails (clear, because we can't wear colors and it's such a waste of time but whatever), cuddle with my dog, 'decorate' my house, hangout with friends, spend time with my husband, have a decently clean bathroom, and get 7-9 hours of sleep.

Every time I talk to my grandpa he asks, 'So how long can you keep this up for?' and I always laugh, but then get nervous in the back of my mind. I feel sane and I don't feel completely stressed out, but I am definitely looking forward to graduating in a couple years. Then when I'm a nurse I'll only work three days a week and I'll have to take up a million hobbies to fill my time with. Or have a million babies. Either way.

Also, if it seems like I'm complaining, it's my blog so shut up. Also, here are some random instagram pictures since I haven't been posting any on my blog recently. Actually, never mind I'm too lazy to download them so you can just go look at them on my instagram @iffyinklings.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Limiting Electronics

This semester I have had a lot of down time. In previous semesters I have always worked a ton, was in class 4-5 days a week, and overcommitted myself. Honestly, a hectic and crazy life is when I thrive the most! This semester, because it was the start of the big scary nursing program, I cut waaaaaay back. I'm still somehow finding myself working between 20-30 (and sometime 50+ and sometimes 0) hours a week between my regular job and all the families I nanny for, but it's work I enjoy so it doesn't seem like work. (Barf. Anyways.) On top of that, I only have classes two days a week, one four hour day and one ten hour day. I also have been purposefully not committing to a lot of things, trying to keep my stress level down. And honestly, my stress level HAS been way down! But I also find myself getting bored.

Between being prescribed a way too high dose of hyperthyroid meds that sent me into being hypothyroid and thus EXHAUSTED all the time, and not actually needing to do anything at a specific time, the past few weeks (dare I say months?) I have been getting sucked into the internet and Netflix. And once I fall down that dark whole it's sooooo hard to crawl out of it!

Structure is extremely important for me to be functional, as is having a purpose. So to have five days free every week (theoretically) makes me feel like I have no purpose. Of course I could be studying, but honestly how much studying can one do? And it is so easy to get caught in the trap of, 'Oh, I'll just study later, after this. Actually, it can just wait until tomorrow since I have nothing else to do then!' When I am busy I feel the time crunch and know I have to do something right then, because I will have no time later. So at the moment I am stuck in the perpetual, 'I'll have time later!' thought process.

Somehow this whole situation has not affected my schoolwork, thankfully, but it just makes me feel like a giant turd. I do have things to get done around the house, projects that need finishing, laundry to be cleaned, but have been so unmotivated to do it. So to remedy that, I'm trying to create a schedule for myself. It is waaaaay past due considering this semester is over halfway over, but whatever. Here are some ideas I've proposed to myself:

Limit laptop use that is not related to homework to 30 minutes per day. I will happily sit on my couch with my laptop and waste the day away, but chances are I would never do that at my desktop because the chair is not that comfortable. I can, however, do homework on it, because again, I'm not very likely to sit at the desktop for a long period of time.

Only check Facebook twice a day with a maximum of 15 minutes total. It is sooooo easy to get caught up with Facebook and every time I check it I'm always thinking, 'WHY AM I DOING THIS?! I don't care about 90% of the shit I just read!' I've already had it deleted from my phone for a while, so now I'm going to wean myself away bit by bit.

Only check Instagram twice a day with a maximum of 10 minutes total. I feel like I should also limit how many times I post a picture? I usually limit myself to one a day, though, so I don't think it'll be a problem. Anyways, it's such a handy thing to entertain myself with pretty much anytime I don't have something to do for longer then 0.5 seconds (think in line at the grocery store, while waiting for a meeting, before class, during breaks, etc) and it's not something I need to be doing.

No TV during the day from Monday-Thursday. Vince and I wind down together with the TV at night, but I have no reason to watch it during the day. Vince is at work those days so I can use this time to do homework, go to class, clean, craft, read, work out, cook, etc. Hopefully this means I can get most of my schoolwork done during the week so that weekends are free. (Though I still have to work.)

No electronic on Saturdays. I talked to Vince about this and though it took convincing, he is on board with me! I think this will be extremely beneficial to us because as with all electronics, it's so easy to always be on our phones, or watching TV 'together' or surfing the internet. So to have a whole day to reconnect every week will be great, and with summer coming it'll be a perfect day to plan day trips and be outside. Granted, we are already outside a lot anyways, but now Vince won't have to be annoyed with, 'Hold on, I want to take a picture of this!'

Do not work on homework when Vince is home. There are so many nights where I'm in another room getting a quiz finished late into the evening after Vince is home from work, when I'd rather be spending time making dinner with him. I have no excuse for not getting it done earlier in the day.

I'm hoping that by instilling these 'rules' for myself I'll be able to find some inspiration within my days to do useful things around the house. I guess now that I type everything up it's not really a schedule for my day, but in a way it is because it will force me to actually do stuff during the day instead of sit on the computer or watch streaming shows. I'm going to make up a little sign to tape on my TV/laptop and I'll let you know how it works!